


Intervention

by CountessMillarca



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Complete, Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-12-09 16:13:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/776184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountessMillarca/pseuds/CountessMillarca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seras refuses to drink blood and Integra decides to have a little talk with her forcing Alucard to do the same...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intervention

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : I do not own Hellsing nor make any profit from this. Rights belong to the wonderful Hirano Kouta.

After a long and excruciating training session, Seras dragged her tired body back to her room with heavy steps. Once again, a blood bag was left upon the table, alongside a deep plate. Once again, she left it untouched, bypassing it as she headed to the shower before the hunger started to take over her body. Instead of a shower though, she decided to take a long, relaxing bath before going to sleep. She was so distracted, soaking in the warm water, that she didn't hear the door to her room opening, Walter sighing, then leaving with her untouched dinner for yet another time.

 _If this continues, she might not survive another month_ , Walter thought. It was high time to take some drastic measures regarding the young Draculina's eating disorder. With that thought foremost on his mind, he hurried to Integra's office, and informed her of this grave matter.

* * *

Alucard was surprised, but also delighted, to feel his master's urgent, unexpected summon. For days now, all he did was getting rid of mindless ghouls and half-assed fledglings. No challenge whatsoever and utterly boring. Maybe a true adversary had finally made his appearance and he could have some decent fun...a little mayhem, some dismemberment, and if he was really lucky, a true battle between equals.

"You called, Master?" Alucard grinned with anticipation, taking a look at Integra's serious face. _Oh, good, something terrible has happened_ , he surmised, wickedly amused.

"Yes, vampire, I did. It appears we have a serious problem," Integra said, confirming the news Alucard joyfully expected to hear.

His joy, though, was short-lived when Integra fully explained the problem, and his mood became even worse, when he listened to the outrageous solution his master had come up with.

"I am sorry, Master, could you repeat that? We need to do a _what_?" Alucard asked, confused.

"I said it's time for an _intervention_. Are you having difficulty hearing now, Alucard? I guess your old age finally caught up with you. You should take some advise from Walter," Integra replied dryly.

"No, I heard you perfectly well the first time, Master. My inquiry was at what this _intervention_ thing that you mentioned is," Alucard countered with slight irritation.

"Listen carefully, vampire, because I'm only going to explain it once. An intervention is equivalent to a therapy session when someone faces a problem he or she cannot overcome on his or her own. Usually, family and close friends have a confrontational meeting with the individual and with the help of a professional try to solve the crisis in question. Of course, since the matter in this case is quite unique, we are going to play the role of both family and specialist on our own. Is that clear to you, Alucard?" Integra finished with an authoritarian look.

"Oh, yes, I understand fully the concept, Master, and all I have to say is…hell no!" Alucard hissed with disdain.

"We are doing this, and you're participating, or else we're going to have an intervention regarding _your_ attitude, vampire," Integra shot back, equally haughty.

 _Great!_ Alucard thought with disgust. He was trapped in a supernatural episode of Oprah. Even the prospect of disposing pathetic fledglings and ghouls sounded infinitely better right now.

* * *

Seras entered Integra's office cautiously. She was surprised to see not only Walter but even her master waiting for her there with equally serious looks upon their faces. Well, not exactly. Her master looked more like he would prefer going through impalement again than being there.

"You called me, Sir Integra?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes, Seras, please have a seat. This is going to be a long discussion," Integra confirmed coolly.

"With all due respect, I prefer to remain standing, Sir," Seras replied, taking into account the possibility of making a hasty exit, if guns were firing all over.

"Well, suit yourself. The reason you were called here today is to discuss your refusal to drink blood like any other normal vampire," Integra explained with a matter-of-fact tone.

Before she had the chance to answer though, her master cut in.

"Why the hell are you still refusing to drink blood, Police Girl? It's time to face reality. You're not a human anymore and your body cannot digest normal food. The only thing sustaining you now is my blood, but if you don't start drinking blood on your own soon, you'll become weaker and, eventually, fade away. In case you didn't get it, you'll die!" Alucard all but shouted at her.

"Then, master, may I ask you a question before explaining my reasons?" Seras asked nervously.

"What is it, Draculina? If it's about my favorite blood type, I prefer 100% virgin blood at 36 °C straight from the source. You should try it sometime," he revealed smugly, looking meaningfully at Integra.

At that, Integra took out her gun and opened a hole at Alucard's prized fedora hat.

"One more comment like that, vampire, and the next shot will hit something far more precious than your hat," she warned menacingly, looking intentionally at Alucard's groin.

"And for your information, the bullets are coated with holy water, so you'll be limping for a few hours, Master Alucard," Walter added with a deadpan voice from behind Integra's chair.

"Go ahead, Seras, and ask before something irreversible happens to your master and he is not in a position to answer you," Integra prompted through gritted teeth.

"Uum…Master, why did you turn me?" the petite girl asked with uncertainty.

"Why do you ask this of me now, Police Girl? Wait, don't answer, this parody has lasted long enough. Let's just all answer the questions and shove some blood down your throat, so I can finally return to my basement. At least there I have peace and quiet, something I'm starting to yearn for," he ranted in a wry tone, obviously exasperated by this situation.

"Alucard, if you don't behave…" Integra threatened him.

"I was bored," he said finally with a casual tone.

"When you're bored, you usually kill something, not resurrect it," Walter commented naturally, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Well, sue me!" Alucard growled, obviously weary from the conversation. "What am I? An animal to have specific behavioral patterns that I must follow under any circumstances?" he added with a bit more feeling.

"Alucard, how many times have I told you to stop watching the Discovery channel? I do not want a repeat of the Aye-aye Incident," Integra said angrily.

"What's the Aye-aye Incident?" Seras asked curiously.

"You don't want to know!" Integra and Walter shouted in unison.

"It's a very cute bat-like type of rodent and the reason all the wooden floors in the mansion have holes. It was a shame we had to send them back after that little incident. I especially enjoyed the sight of Integra crouched up on a table, shouting something like 'get rid of those disgusting things', and Walter running around with a broom, trying to erase the cause of her panic," Alucard explained in detail happily, unperturbed by their reaction.

"Alucard, I swear, one more word and you're going back to the basement to the state you were when I first found you all those years ago. And this time, you are staying there permanently," Integra threatened him.

"Oh, for crying out loud, I turned you on a whim, Police Girl! Are you happy now with that answer?" Alucard clicked his tongue, fed up with all of them, then glared at Walter. "And don't you dare add another profound comment!" he bit out, full of venomous sarcasm.

"Well, the thing is, I thought that maybe if I knew the reason, I would be more certain as to where I belong, and I would be finally able to let go of these lingering feelings of humanity that have remained inside of me and be a true vampire like Master," Seras mumbled apologetically.

"You're naive, Draculina. Right now you're neither a full-blooded vampire, nor a mere human. Keeping these feelings will never make you completely human again. It will only result in you dying slowly and painfully. You need to let go in order to move forward, and you need to make this decision on your own. Otherwise, you'll be forever my servant and never your own true self. In other words, we cannot help you anymore than we already have from our part, now it's your turn," Alucard offered with a cold face.

"Finally, you said something helpful for once, Count! It appears that this intervention was not for naught after all." Integra exhaled with relief.

Walter nodded once with approval as well.

"Dismissed!" Integra yelled, and Alucard was the first to leave the room.

Seras began to leave, but suddenly turned around, saluting the master of her Master and the butler with a smile.

"Well, that went rather well," Walter remarked when they were alone in the room.

"Walter…shut up!" was the last thing Integra said rubbing her temples.


End file.
